I bit the elephant (see my first post Bite That Elephant). I started this blog. Now it’s sitting on my chest. I wrote my first post, and I felt an immediate sense of pride and accomplishment, but what now? I’m overwhelmed. I’m not sure what to do. I have a site of my own, woohoo, and I have one interesting post…eeek! This isn’t going to keep people’s attention or even get it in the first place.
I’ve read a lot about blogging, but at this point it’s like I’ve read all the rules for baseball, but never played the game. I am having a bit of trouble transitioning from head knowledge to applied knowledge. I know about plugins, SEO, email lists, etc., but how do I get it all to be a success? Panic stricken, I feel the weight of it all suffocating me.
I have been flitting like a schizophrenic from one task to the next and it’s not really working for me – for my blog or for my life. I just read the definition of schizophrenic (because I had to look it up to spell it correctly). Some of the definition applies directly to me, especially the part about “extremely disordered thinking and behavior.”
For example, I have been trying to make some progress with my house – keeping it clean, completing projects, etc.; Another Elephant in my life. A BIG one!!! I have been running all over attempting to clean every room at once. I would have to say that the beast is winning this fight. Every time I try to take on the house in an “I’m going to dominate you” sort of way, the list of projects that has been piling up since we moved in rushes into my mind, and I instantly feel defeated.
This crazy carousel of disorder and running room to room doing a little bit here and a little bit there leaves me feeling little to no satisfaction or sense of accomplishment. Working and working and working all day and not being able to see even one area that really looks different makes me depressed. I don’t want to continue this way in my home, and I definitely do not want to behave this way in my blog life.
I have to force myself to focus on one thing at a time: One room, one spot where clutter piles up, one task, etc. It is extremely hard! I want it all done now now now!
I need change.
What can I do?
My only solution is to keep eating the home elephant and the blog elephant one bite at a time. Some bites may take more time to chew and be more difficult to swallow, but I just have to keep pushing forward. Someday I know the weight of what I have taken on here, won’t seem to be so heavy. In the meantime, I will continue to motivate myself, try new things, and move forward – Step by Step by Step.
Each day I will commit to work on this blog and see it for the blessed opportunity it is. I know I can do this, through Christ who strengthens me. I pray God will give me guidance every step of this journey. I need Him to give me wisdom and direction. I need Him to help me change my thoughts and my habits.
This is my Prayer for this Blog:
God I need Help!!! I cannot do this without You! I am a disorganized disaster, but I know I have a light inside – a voice that needs to be shared. Show me God, the best way that I can do that. I want Your Love to pour out of my soul to help others right where they are. I need Your help right where I am.
I am struggling with so many things in my life right now – finances, being a stay-at-home mom, homeschooling, Lyme Disease, Relationships, Keeping my home clean/organized, and the burning fire for creativity that is locked inside me and can’t come out because there is never enough of me to give to that. God help me to let some creativity out to feed my soul. I feel like I am starving. I feel like something in me is dying. I’m not sure how to untangle the mess of my life. Only you know. Help me.
I am frustrated. The loud banging in my head is painful. There is no peaceful calm. How can I inspire others, when I feel so uninspired? I am without direction. I am lacking in peace, love, and joy. Why is there such turmoil in my heart? Oh Lord, I didn’t really want to share this much of myself in one of my first blog posts. People must be thinking I am a crazy mess. Who am I fooling, I am a crazy mess.
I hope there are some other people out there who don’t have it all together who can understand and relate here. To all of you people out there, I feel ya. As I said in my first post, I am not Super Mom and I am by no means near perfection in any area of my life. I am a real person struggling to keep her head above water. I’m not going to pretend to be perfect. I am nowhere near. God you made me just the way I am, why? What do you want me to do? Please show me!!! Give me an appetite to eat this elephant one bite at a time and never quit. I will not be defeated!
Stephaney - Me Flying Free
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