“So I will wake and spend my days loving the One who has raised me up…
You’re making all things beautiful.” Lyric by Bethel
I’m sitting here listening to worship music, and I’m having a bit of a melt-down. Today is the day following my birthday, and I am having a hard day. Yesterday, I went without my vitamins, ate what I wanted, and today I am a bit sorry. My kids are sitting in front of the television, and I am tired with a headache.
I feel like another day is passing that I am somehow failing at. My heart breaks. There seems to never be enough of me to manage it all. I cannot keep anything in order. It is chaos. The waves keep coming. I suck in the water, as it splashes over my head. I cry out to God, “Help Me!”
Cold coffee. Ick. Another thing I shouldn’t be having. Guilt! Reheat.
I am tired of Lyme. I am tired of tiredness. I’m tired of the HAYING that is going on around here! I think that is the source of my ickiness that’s been going on for a couple days. Next will come the forest fires destroying my summer. Man I am quite the bag of negativity today eh?! Why are you still reading this?
I guess you know by now that I am not all peaches and cream. Today I feel like sauerkraut – bitter and tart. It’s one of those days where I wish I could just stay the whole day in bed. My body screams.
Kim Walker sings, “To trust you even when we cannot see. To trust you, even when the mountains seem so big.”
I love Kim Walker. She is my favorite worship leader. She gives me such inspiration (as a worship leader myself, and just in general)! There is nothing better to inspire me when I am feeling down, than worship. God speaks to me through it. He grips my heart.
“When the waters stir, you can rearrange me.” Another lyric from Kim and Jesus Culture. Beautiful.
God rearrange me. Things are about to change. I believe my healing is developing and I am changing.
Here are some song lyrics by Gungor that have really inspired me:
All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You
Out of chaos, life is being found…. God, is good coming from this life? Yes. When I am having a bad day, I seek you out. You have a way of showing me the bright side of things – the good and beautiful. You are here with me – my anchor in this storm. I will fix my eyes on you. I am so thankful for the 31 years you have given me. The beautiful life you have blessed me with. Some days may be challenging, but I will fix my eyes on you. Help me take each step over the waves, never taking my focus away and going under. I need your embrace.
Philippians 4:8New International Version (NIV )
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Off to finish my lukewarm coffee and give another go at this day. I refuse to live a lukewarm life. I hope you live your life with passion and fire. Never giving up on what He has for you! God bless you all.
Stephaney - Me Flying Free
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